1 post tagged “family”

It's definitely been the most painful and toned-down Chinese New Year in my living memory. When my maternal grandmother died (aka Por Por) last Wednesday, we had to quickly organise a wake (Chinese tradition of keeping the deceased company until funeral rites are performed) over the next 3 days followed by a cremation.

As she died a day before Chinese New Year began, we did not want to put up a big advertisement as that would make our friends and other relatives feel obliged to show up. We didn't want to be the dampener or jinx for anyone during this festive period.

My sleep patterns have been stretched to nearly the limit. I'd keep my mum company until around 2am then we'd go home. By the time I got ready to sleep it would be 3am. We kept doing this up to Friday and still woke up in time for the funeral rites which were supposed to begin at 10.30am on the same day.

The ceremony started late but after that everything went smoothly. We were all dressed in white and black, the younger and more agile ones sitting on the floor while the others sat on chairs behind us. The Taoist priest recited many chants which were unintelligible to me (as it was in dialect) and all I could pick out was my mum's dialect name being included in between.

The priest's voice seemed choked with emotion and I was surprised as he wasn't my grandma's regular priest (the big shot was on his Chinese New Year break and subcontracted it out to this guy), so he probably didn't know her so well. Then his emotional expression went back to normal as he spoke to my cousin Dom who was right in front, clarifying a few things with him. Then the priest continued chanting and choking 'emotionally'. I thought that was unnecessary - if you don't feel so remorseful, why pretend to be? God knows our hearts. Maybe it's just part of the Taoist tradition to sound sad even if you don't know your client.

Then we stood up, circled the coffin a few times and each paid our final respects with a joss stick and 3 bows of the body. We made our way downstairs and turned our backs on the coffin as we weren't supposed to see it get loaded into the car.

While I saw many of these rituals as superstitions, I respected them as did my other cousins who are Catholic.

We headed to the Mandai Crematorium. It was the first time I've been to any crematorium, I think. Our room was cold but very tastefully furbished, with a good view of the coffin which was trundled in by a machine. When it made its way towards the furnace, other family members got pretty emotional. I wiped my own tears away.

I was with my little niece Natalie, who understood what was happening. She had scampered to the left side of the room and an aunt from my dad's side (who had kindly chosen to be with us in Por Por's final moments) gestured for me to keep an eye on her. So I went over and held her so she wouldn't fall over the steps - and it gave us a much better view as the coffin was led through a door on the left.

I told Natalie to pay attention as this would be the last time she'd see Por Por (or Dai Por as she called her). She said she knew. On Wednesday, she had drawn a picture for Por Por and this was placed into the coffin. Presumably it would also be cremated with her.

As the furnace doors closed, we were quickly ushered to another room to wash ourselves with a pail of water that had lots of flowers and leaves in it. We used the colourful towels given to us earlier, which were each tied in bundles of red string. We then threw the towels away. I was just following what everyone else did - even the adults weren't sure at some points what to do next!

At that point, Natalie also cried, saying she missed Dai Por. Apparently she even said "There goes another generation." Pretty big thoughts for someone not yet in Primary School.

I have to thank everyone at work for chipping in. I was especially touched that collections were made not just by my own department, RDS, but also by Corporate Comms, Partnership Management and Corporate Marketing, including the respective Deputy Directors and my own Director. I didn't know I was entitled to a wreath for grandparents' funerals, but was happy to contribute to more flowers at the wake.

Yes, even in such moments I believe we should document them, so here's a photo of the wreath from HPB. Thanks guys. It means much to me.